Substance

Sometimes I feel like this me is more true than any other me I show people. This extremely broken girl with no clue how to cope with all the damage sin has wrought on her life. My own sin, the sins of those I love, the sins of those I'll never know. It all has affected me...made me into a girl who can't just cry to heal the pain...I have to bleed... this girl makes more sense than the girl who everybody calls sweet...I feel like I have more substance when I am like this...like I am more real...maybe I am addicted to my problems...maybe I like pain too much...maybe I am just a masochist...I don't really think that's true...but I think the hardest thing is to live...to get past all the things that hurt and to live...to love... to open yourself up to people wounding you... to breathe and to not cut...to live, not just survive...to seek healing, not just stuff the pain so far down inside that you almost forget it hurts...